Our immediate response
We are all different. Not only in respect to our appearance but also in the way we think. Our thoughts and attitudes to life change as we grow older and we all become older with each passing day. This brings with it inevitable changes to our health and well being. How we cope with these changes will be different for each of us.
Our life experience and personality dictates how we cope. In those circumstances it’s not possible for me to set out a universal truth about how to cope in difficult times. I am just one individual with a personal view on life issues.
In my case I tend to treat health issues with humour. When my father had one of his testicles removed due to cancer I felt that, “You’d have to be nuts to worry about that”. My reaction was similar when told that I had an aggressive prostate cancer. The doctor said that the options were a nerve sparing prostatectomy or a radical prostatectomy. My reaction was to say that I didn’t need time to make that decision and opted for removal of the whole prostate including the nerves. I said, “I’d rather die of old age than die soon with a massive erection. Besides they wouldn’t be able to close the coffin”. But, that’s me and it helped me deal with the issue, at least initially, with humour.
Proverbs 17:22 – A joyful heart is good medicine, but a crushed spirit dries up the bones.
Proverbs 14:13 – Even in laughter the heart may ache, and the end of joy may be grief.
Thinking about my behaviour
I now think more clearly about my behaviour and realise that the intent of humorous comment may not always be understood. It may also be seen as offensive to some people; and certainly, if crude, offensive to God.
Ephesians 5:4 – Let there be no filthiness nor foolish talk nor crude joking, which are out of place, but instead let there be thanksgiving.
When I wrote this I was unsure whether to include the humorous comments. I decided to include them because it is what actually happened. Humour was my coping mechanism but instead perhaps I should have had faith and simply placed my trust in God.
Psalm 56:3-4 – When I am afraid, I put my trust in you. In God, whose word I praise, in God I trust; I shall not be afraid. What can flesh do to me?
The bible quote from Ephesians made me think seriously about my behaviour. It made me consider the possible impact of my words and made me more conscious of the need to do the right thing. One thing that I don’t wish to do is to be disrespectful to God.
Why read the bible
That’s something about reading the bible. It does, when you get into it, make you re-evaluate your behaviour and its impact on others. It’s a good thing to do because it makes us consider things against our inbuilt morality, our knowledge of what is right and wrong. That helps us to improve and the more we do that the better we will feel.
It’s difficult to evaluate some things because it’s hard to know how others will react. My humorous comments, however, were just a coping mechanism. In my heart I know that when I do joke about things I am in the company of someone with whom I feel comfortable. I also use humour to try to help others see the positive aspects of their life rather than to focus on misery and negativity.
Many people seem to feel that the bible is very old and no longer relevant in our society. I don’t hold that view but then I am very old too. I hope that people don’t think that I am not relevant because of that. The bible contains many eternal truths and lessons on how to lead a good life. Yet it’s something that most people have not read. It’s strange that many people who have not studied the bible have such strong views on its relevance.
Coping in the longer term
Earlier my humour had given me time to accept the inevitable. But after my prostate operation I had to accept that a part of me was missing. A part that allowed me to reproduce, which I felt defined me as a male. I had no brothers and knew that it was the end of my family name. I was the last person in my family tree that could carry on that name and I had no sons.
That was difficult to cope with but I eventually realised that what defines a person is not their physical self but their inner spiritual self. Physical attributes are not important. It’s the inner person that really matters. I also believe that the fact that I was the last male in my family tree led me to accept the need to write these blogs. It is something that I can leave behind after I have gone.
I had to deal with many things in my life including a psychological breakdown when my marriage was in trouble. This largely occurred due to poor communication and unresolved personal issues. We fought our way through extreme stress and were briefly separated but in the end we stayed together and are now very happy. It was a very difficult time when we were both suffering greatly. Although we were together for most of that time we suffered as individuals. At that time I did not feel connected with God but knew that He had said that we should stay together.
Mathew 19:6 – “What God hath joined together let no man tear asunder.”
I also have had two spinal fractures, repairs to a broken leg and knee, massive blood clots and three hernia operations in recent years.
Coping when feeling alone
All of these things were difficult to cope with when I was looking at them as if I was alone. It was my personal battle. But in the last couple of years I have realised that my battles are insignificant compared with others. I now realise that I am not alone and that when Jesus died on the cross He suffered unbelievable trauma and pain. When I think of that it helps me cope with any personal pain that I experience. My pain is nothing compared to what He suffered.
1 Peter 2:24 – He himself bore our sins in his body on the tree, that we might die to sin and live to righteousness. By his wounds you have been healed.
1 Corinthians 3:16 – Do you not know that you are God’s temple and that God’s Spirit dwells in you?
Joshua 1:9 – “Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be frightened, and do not be dismayed, for the Lord your God is with you wherever you go.”
How you react
How you react is a choice you make. It will depend on your personality, history, your fears and your outlook on life. Although we will all react differently we can all have hope in the healing power of Jesus Christ.
Hope in Jesus
Subject to God’s grace Christianity promises eternal life in heaven for those who believe in Jesus and who genuinely repent of their sins.
2 Corinthians 4:16-18 – So we do not lose heart. Though our outer self is wasting away, our inner self is being renewed day by day. For this light momentary affliction is preparing for us an eternal weight of glory beyond all comparison, as we look not to the things that are seen but to the things that are unseen. For the things that are seen are transient, but the things that are unseen are eternal.
Psalm 73:26 – My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever.
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