Our awareness

What things do we notice

We all seek out what we find of interest or of value. I am not referring to value in the context of how much it costs. I mean value in the context of things that match our wishes or perception. 

By seeking out things that validate our views we confirm, at least in our own minds, that “we are right”. It’s certainly unlikely that we would seek out things that we don’t want or that prove us wrong. The problem is that this prevents us from accepting opposing or contradictory views. I am not a psychologist but I do find these traits and human behaviour generally to be of interest. 

We become aware of things that are important to us. Have you ever bought something new and felt that you now have something special. Something that is unusual or rare only to find that on the way home you see three of the same thing. Your mind has become attuned to it and it has taken on importance to you.

Finding what you are looking for

There’s a saying, “seek and you will find”. You may not agree with that if you have just misplaced your car keys. But I am sure you will eventually find them if you do look for them.

During my years at work I attended training in speed reading. With it you can pick up the gist, or essential meaning, of an article or document. Initially I was sceptical because I didn’t find that it led to a high level of comprehension. Eventually, something convinced me that it worked. I could very quickly scan a list of numbers to find a specific number that I had in mind. It always worked and was very fast.

In the same way we are drawn to things that match our perception or interests. We automatically look for and notice supporting information. If we are positive people we tend to notice things that are positive. If we are negative people we will see the negative aspects of most things.

There’s one good thing about being aware of the negative aspects of life. We notice things that are affecting other people negatively. We become attuned to and notice when they are depressed or suffering. It can make us more empathetic and less self-focussed. Clearly there is a need for some balance between negativity and positivity.

Positivity and ensuring balance

The way that positive thinking was explained to me was unconvincing. It was essentially a claim that if you kept telling yourself something it would become the truth. At least you would believe it was true even if it wasn’t. There are plenty of people who believe things that are wrong. That’s why dictators put in so much effort to control the media in their countries.

It is difficult for our mind to adapt to something it knows is not true. As an example let’s assume that I need to lose weight (I do). So I tell myself that I am thin when I know full well that I am not. The truth is reinforced every day when I look in the mirror. The problem here is that the negative stimuli of looking into the mirror each day is the predominant stimulus. We need a greater amount of positive stimulus in the other direction to counter any negative effects.

The expression that “We are what we eat” is true for the body but it’s also true for the mind. In that case it’s “We are what we consume”.

The following is one of my photographs and shows a capsicum or bell pepper. I called it, “You are what you eat”.

A better example of positive thinking is that when playing golf you should, before putting, visualise the ball going into the hole. It is necessary to actually visualise the desired end result. Coaches in various sports use the same approach to generate a winning mindset in their players. Try putting yourself in the position of doing the exact opposite. It is absolutely understandable that approaching any endeavour with a losing mindset is of no benefit.

Our self-image

We believe and notice things that support our point of view. Those things draw our attention. Of course, our view is our truth, our reality and our self-image may be negative or positive. Our own thoughts and the comments of others can reinforce our self-image. We notice and accept things that justify our own view. So, if we already have a negative view of ourselves any criticism by others can be very destructive.

If you do have a negative view of yourself it’s important to realise that God loves you and you are worthy in his eyes. Everyone has their own issues and those who criticise you are probably struggling too. It’s better to show empathy to them rather than to react to their criticism. If you do react negatively you are only giving them increased power over your well-being. Feel sorry for them instead.

My own observations are that people with a negative view of themselves are very aware of and sensitive to human failings. They have high standards for themselves and believe that they are not meeting those standards. They feel that they are not worthy but that is not true. Unfortunately, others may take advantage of them or treat them with distain. That’s the way that some people behave to make themselves feel superior. As shown by history, the meek and mild are often downtrodden by those in power.  Putting others down as a means of “elevating” yourself is not an answer and will not bring you long-term happiness.

Understanding other people

We all want to feel valued by others and tend to take their comments personally. That’s because we see them as either supporting or damaging our self-image. It’s easy to say, “don’t take things personally” but that can be difficult for most of us. It is possible however, if we focus on the needs of others instead of ourselves.

We  need to understand why others may react or behave in a particular way. Their behaviour often reflects how they feel about themselves. They may have issues that they are finding difficult to address. It’s important to have empathy in such situations rather than reacting in a defensive way.

We all wish to be seen as good people yet often think that we know better than others (our view is true to us). Looking at others as wrong can be quite detrimental to our own well being. That is, negative thoughts about them breed negative attitudes, anger and frustration. How much better would it be if we only had humility and positivity.