Important considerations
There are many different aspects to pain management and I am not an expert on this. Things like exercise, physical therapy, limiting pain inducing activity, medication, sleep quality and mindset are all important. I can only speak about the latter aspect and only based on my experience.
Emotional pain due to loss
Pain may be physical or emotional and maybe your pain is both of these. It’s a little easier to understand that emotional pain is our reaction to our suffering or loss. It may also be because our perceived needs have not been met.
In my case I went through considerable emotional pain when I parted from my first love (see my blog titled “Love”). I had fallen for her really hard and to me she was perfect (no one is). After only four months I had asked her to marry me. She told me that she would give me an answer in one week. After one week had passed she told me that we were not ready for marriage.
I completely dropped my bundle and got rolling drunk before our next meeting. Her father then took me home, as I was unable to drive. On the way he told me, “When one of my daughters truly loves someone I like that person too and I like you a lot Mike”. But I had already accepted her answer as a definite NO, as I was too immature. I was not immediately getting what I wanted and felt devastated. That was a selfish mindset and the end result was that I went my own way and never had closure. Not having closure in any situation where you have suffered the loss of someone can cause severe emotional pain.
1 John 4:18 – There is no fear in love, but perfect love casts out fear. For fear has to do with punishment, and whoever fears has not been perfected in love.
Emotional pain due to relationship issues
I also suffered extreme emotional pain when I had difficulties in my marriage. That was a long time ago and arose due to my reaction to the extreme stress of trying to be successful. I didn’t realise at the time that I was measuring success in the wrong way (see my blogs titled “Gaining wealth and power” and “Family and friends”).
I don’t intend here to discuss emotional pain in detail but it’s enough to say that emotional pain is a state of mind. Clearly a change of mindset can overcome emotional pain. Now that’s not easy but I feel that Christian belief provides an answer. Trust in the love of God and the belief that he has a plan for ultimate good is able to minimise or ease our emotional pain. I just wish I had realised that when I was suffering emotional pain.
Psalm 147:3 – He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds.
Physical pain
Physical pain is a little different. It may be constant or intermittent and it’s harder to eliminate with a change of mindset. Also, there’s no doubt that we should take note of pain. It’s our body’s signal to us that something is wrong. That something needs to be addressed.
It’s interesting that we are hard wired to focus on what’s important and to ignore what is unimportant. The reticular activating system, which is located in the brainstem, processes sensory information passing along nerves. It acts as a filter and passes important information to the brain at a conscious level. It suppresses what is considered unimportant.
Remember that what I wrote in my blogs titled “Our awareness” and “Dealing with health problems” showed that we focus on what our mind considers to be important. The things we focus on are more noticeable to us. They are kept at the forefront. The trick, therefore, is not to focus unduly on pain. One way that we can avoid undue self focus, or self pity, is to focus on helping others.
2 Corinthians 1:3-4 – Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies and God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our affliction, so that we may be able to comfort those who are in any affliction, with the comfort with which we ourselves are comforted by God.
Dealing with physical pain in others
Whenever someone is constantly complaining about their pain I do have sympathy and will help them if I can. It’s good to have supportive friends and family but, in my view, excessive sympathy can be damaging. It can draw attention to our ills and reinforce the fact that we are in dire straits.
Job 14:22 – He feels only the pain of his own body, and he mourns only for himself.
Often, if someone is complaining about something I will say, “Anyway, isn’t it a lovely day”. If they complain about their shoulder I will say, “Anyway, how’s your knee” and they will say, “It’s fine, why?”. I tell them to focus on that instead. We then discuss diversion therapy. That’s diverting attention to something else that’s more pleasant and reducing negative self talk. The reticular activating system does the rest.
My own experience with physical pain
Like most people I have suffered both emotional and physical pain. We are all different and have different coping mechanisms.
When I broke my back the first time I developed a retrolisthesis above my lumbar spine. It affected the natural spinal curvature above the break due to a backward movement of the spine. There is now a permanent step in my spine. Although that caused (from 1999) chronic back pain I don’t find it to be a major problem. There are many people worse off than me and realising that does reduce my focus on myself.
In my case I now think about how Jesus would have felt during his crucifixion. His pain and suffering was obviously extreme and much worse than anything I have suffered. Yet he forgave those who beat and crucified him. He then rose from the dead as an example to the world that God’s power is much greater than the power of evil.
1 Corinthians 6:14 – And God raised the Lord and will also raise us up by his power.
Philippians 3:10 – That I may know him and the power of his resurrection, and may share his sufferings, becoming like him in his death,
A belief in Jesus and in eternal life provides comfort. Our experience with pain becomes less significant when we realise that our earthly life is a mere fraction of our time.
2 Corinthians 4:17-18 – For this light momentary affliction is preparing for us an eternal weight of glory beyond all comparison, as we look not to the things that are seen but to the things that are unseen. For the things that are seen are transient, but the things that are unseen are eternal.
The impact of negative comments
As a result of the back injury I had to have lots of physiotherapy. On examining my X-rays one of the physiotherapists said, “Wow, my retirement plan”, which didn’t inspire me with confidence. I felt that my situation was hopeless and that there was no point in trying to improve my condition. That comment was so damaging.
It was a bit like a comment that I received on a school report when I was very young. The teacher had written “sluggish” as a comment against physical education in my report. That comment has now remained with me for about seventy years. I am still sluggish.
The way in which we act is dependent on the way we think. If we have a negative mindset and focus on the perceived permanence of our problems we tend to give up. We don’t try to get to a better position. We accept our suffering and constantly complain about our ills.
Philippians 4:13 – I can do all things through him who strengthens me.
If we focus on something it will become more noticeable to us.
Seek and you will find
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