Achieving true happiness
When we have been doing something for many years it becomes familiar territory. It’s our reality, our way of life and feels comfortable. We may not recognise any need to change.
So we do get attached to what is familiar behaviour. But none of us is perfect and we can all improve. In fact, we will feel better within ourselves if we do improve. The trick is to recognise that there is a need for change. That calls for some self-examination. But being honest when we look at ourselves can be difficult. We all tend to want to justify our behaviour and not accept our faults.
I mentioned these things in my blog titled, “Why it can be difficult to change”.
Much of our behaviour is determined by self-interest. We do most things with a view to improvement of our own position. That sounds logical and you may feel what’s so bad about that. Well, as I have said before, once we have achieved sufficient for our own well-being more of the same will not bring true happiness (see my blog titled, “Gaining wealth and power”).
Matthew 16:26 – For what will it profit a man if he gains the whole world and forfeits his soul? Or what shall a man give in return for his soul?
It’s not about me
We are all different and everyone is entitled to their own approach to life. But some things are what are known as universal truths. We all know that treating others with respect, and tolerance is the right thing to do.
It helps if you believe that there is good and bad in everyone and that we instinctively recognise the difference. Of course, some people are more good than bad and vice-versa. If we accept this and realise that it also applies to ourselves then it is easier to take a detached approach to conflict and differences of opinion.
The answer to this, at least in my view, is to stop internalising and realise that the world does not revolve around you. Remember the expression, “It’s not about me”.
Become an observer
By becoming an observer of the world around us we are taking a detached approach. We can look at life in this body that we occupy as something temporary. We will no longer have the need to justify ourselves. By taking the view that “It’s not about me” and “I’m just an observer” we can avoid negative reactions to things in our life.
Caring for others
When we are concerned about the well-being of others we avoid focus on ourselves. We do not see their comments or actions as statements about us. Instead we appreciate that they have an issue that is concerning them. This enables us to avoid negative reactions and taking offence, or becoming angry, frustrated and hypercritical. How can we take offence when we are approaching life as an observer.
Remember to hold onto the view that “it’s not about me” and “what’s important is the well-being of others”.
The first great commandment is, “Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind and with all your strength. The second is this: ‘Love your neighbour as yourself. There is no commandment greater than these.” (Mark 12:30-31)
These commandments are extremely powerful if followed. Don’t focus on yourself and instead focus on the well-being of others. Not only friends but also relatives and your marriage partner. In this way you will find that you have a new direction in life. You will no longer be determined to prove that you are right or not at fault. No longer inclined to be defensive by blaming others for everything wrong in your life. My previous blog titled, “Controlling anger” is relevant.
It can be difficult to reach the position where that is your view. But remember that it is possible to reprogram your thinking. You just need to be receptive to the idea that being someone who cares for others is more satisfying than being someone who is a selfish or aggressive person. As I have said before we have an inbuilt sense that it is the right thing to do.
Self-examination
All that we need to do is a little self-examination. If we do that when we are alone we are not at conflict with anyone. We can take a detached look at ourselves without automatically trying to defend our position. Self-examination, in my view, is stepping outside of oneself and looking inwardly. If we do that and rely on our honesty we can see where change would be appropriate.
So, if we can do this we can lead a much more satisfying life that is considerate of others even if they do have opposing views. We don’t need to agree with their views but we do need to treat them kindly. In fact we should be kind and forgiving to all other people. That’s not easy bearing in mind that we may have opposing views but it is true that kindness begets kindness. This is well illustrated by the “Pay it Forward” movement, where a kind unexpected act is done for someone and they are asked to pay it forward.
In summary
- It’s not about me
- Don’t take things personally
- Let go of any defensive reactions
- Be an observer
- Note and correct any faults that you see in yourself
- Focus on caring for others
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