Why it can be difficult to change

Our personal environment

We are certainly a product of our environment and we all see this in many ways. Parents have significant impact on their children. How often do we see kids who have the same attitudes or characteristics as their parents or they follow the same career path? This seems inherent in society. It possibly stems from days when the family property was handed down and managed by the eldest son. He took over the responsibility for management of the property and the family. 

That is logical when it comes to a family farm and ensures continuation of the community’s food supply. In general, however, that approach is not necessarily good for the individual as it essentially maintains the status quo. It can restrict people by preventing them from achieving their full potential. 

There is not necessarily anything wrong with the status quo. So I’m not suggesting that you should rebel against your family. They are the ones who love and accept you despite your shortcomings. The main point is that the word “family” is related to the word “familiar”. We are comfortable with what is familiar and this creates resistance to change.

It’s only natural that we should love and respect our parents. After all they were the ones who gave us life and brought us into the world. Rebelling against them is not in keeping with the teachings of Jesus who said, “Honour your father and your mother and love your neighbour as yourself” (Mathew 19: 17-19).

Our comfort zone

Our resistance to change stems from a need to be secure and we are secure in what we know. It’s natural for us to be comfortable with what is familiar. It’s our comfort zone. There is, however, also fear of the unknown. So it seems that there is resistance to change even where it would be for the better. 

In fact it’s good to get outside our comfort zone. It can help us to grow and become more open to change. It can make us open to other views or opinions and can make us more resilient and accepting. We are, however, often fixed in our views and resistant to change or other opinions. It’s a human characteristic and is a means of self-defence.

Yet some people are never satisfied and always wish to be somewhere else. It’s not just something that occurs when us blokes go shopping with the wife. We don’t mind shopping if we go with a purpose but we dislike just ambling around looking for a bargain or the latest fashion item. I am not trying to be sexist when making that observation but we all (men and women) have our own interests and focus. 

If we are a product of our environment it’s clear that we all differ. We all live in different environments and have different experiences in life. Yet each of us are sure that we are right in what we think. In my case, I now accept that the biblical descriptions of the Holy Spirit are true. It fully aligns with my experience (my epiphany). I realise that you may not have had that experience so you may have doubts about my testimony. Just be aware that this is an entirely new experience for me. I never would have produced a blog site like this before it happened.

The impact of our life experience and psychology

There is no doubt in my mind that our experiences and our thoughts also impact on our behaviour. It seems to be a chicken and egg situation. What we do, or our behaviour, also impacts on what we think of ourselves. 

That needs an explanation. Sometimes, in self-interest, we do things that are wrong. We will try to justify that to ourselves, as we don’t like to see ourselves in a bad light. Think about that. Do you feel good when you are right or when you are shown to be wrong?

Like most of us my attitude was that whatever I did was the right way to do things. After all, I had technical knowledge and saw that as being superior. Now, I am being hard on myself but there is a point. Seeing yourself as “right” is a definite way of preventing improvement.

Now, be honest. Ask yourself, “Is what I believe the truth and am I guilty of thinking that I am right?”

How we defend our position

Being open to change is not just about being open to new physical experiences. It’s also about being open to other people’s points of view. That’s not something that we easily accept. After all, we tend to think that we are right and that those who disagree are wrong. Our automatic reaction is to defend our position and we will do this in different ways. Some of us may react badly and lash out at the sign of any opposition. Others will simply let things build up inside and become depressed, demoralised or like an explosive pressure cooker.

We can let go of those negative feelings if we have true Christian belief. If our focus is on helping others we let go of the self-interest that causes us to so strongly defend our points of view.

Our drive and commitment

Having our own focus is good when it creates drive and a desire to achieve some purpose in life. For many, however, that purpose is solely the achievement of personal goals such as financial stability and the accumulation of assets. Unfortunately that can result in them becoming inward looking, lacking in empathy and devoid of concern for others. I am not saying that it’s wrong to strive for achievement of those personal goals but don’t do it knowingly at the expense of others.

It’s said that “money can’t buy you love” and “money is the root of all evil”. Also that, “we can’t take it with us”. Such expressions are very true so always remember that true wealth comes from knowing that we have lived life with regard for the well-being of others. That’s better than being focussed only on self-interest.

So why is it that we always want what we can’t have or we don’t have. I guess that’s something that we learnt as kids but we are destined to be unhappy if we think that way. We all know or have heard the expression, “It’s not what’s important in life”. The desire for material things can lead us to become jealous or envious of what others have. These attitudes are not desirable and can only lead to dissatisfaction with our lives. 

Being a better human being

There’s a saying, “The other man’s grass is always greener” and it certainly applies to that line of thinking. The only time that I felt that way was when I drove across the Nullabor Plain in Australia for the first time. Hundreds of kilometres of it was a gravel road and I remember that the other side of the track always seemed to be smoother. It wasn’t, as I discovered each time I changed to driving on the wrong side of the road (visibility was good and there was very little traffic in those days and such things were possible).

Life can be confusing. As I said accepting the status quo can be detrimental to our development. It can prevent us from achieving our full potential. It can also, however, be beneficial, as being content with the status quo prevents us from becoming dissatisfied or envious.

People generally seem to be discontent about a range of things. There is always a cause to be supported or something better to be gained in life and that could be said to be a good thing. As it was said by Robert Browning “A man’s reach should exceed his grasp, or what’s a heaven for”. It promotes striving for betterment in life. But, if we think of it only in respect to material possessions, it can make us selfish or jealous by always wanting to get more than someone else. It’s more appropriate to simply try to be a much better human being.